INTERVIEW WITH GUSTAV ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Luten Gromire: Welcome to 'Beyond Tomorrow'. I'm your host, Luten Gromire. Today we will be talking to a man by the name of Gustav Larsson. Gustav is a local computer programmer here in Helsinki, but he isn't known for his work in the burgeoning computing field. No, Gustav is known for something miraculous which took place in the early evening hours of November 12th, 1974. Now...(turning to Gustav)...Gustav...first, how the hell do you spell your name? Gustav Larsson: Gustav. G-U-S-T-A-V. Luten: Alrighty...Gustav...can you explain to our audience, if you will, what exactly happened on the evening of November 12th, 1974? What were you doing? Gustav: Well, Luten, I had just finished smoking a joint after waiting for the PDP to finish compiling a routine accounting program at the University. And... Luten: I'm sorry, but did you say, "smoked a joint"? Gustav: (chuckles) Yes, Luten, I smoked a @#$%& joint. Good programmers get stoned daily. Anyway, I had just finished getting high when it hit me... What's the point of writing a really large program if...you know...it doesn't really work, and @#$%&? Luten: Right... Gustav: ...(coughs)...You see, we used a derivative of the Fortran IV compiler on the PDP-8. Luten: The PDP-8? What is that? Explain that to me... Gustav: ...It's a minicomputer. Luten: What...exactly...is "mini-computer"? Gustav: It's inbetween a mainframe and a micro. It's...basically like a Double Cheeseburger versus, say, a Big Mac, right? Luten: Okay. Gustav: So I was sitting at the PDP and I was REALLY @#$%&ING BORED...Maybe it was the pot...maybe it was me...I don't know, man...but I just needed a release... Luten: So what did you do? Gustav: I wrote a 1 character program. Luten: Say what? Did you say a "1 character program"? Gustav: Yes... Luten: (smiles) For the benefit of our listening audience, would you care to elaborate on that terminology? Gustav: (adjusts jacket)...Yeah, sure...basically, it is a program with a single character in it. Luten: That's it? Gustav: Yeah... Luten: I don't mean to sound rude, but...isn't that pointless? Gustav: Sure it is...Sure it is...(laughs)...But I was high, man! What the @#$%& did you expect? Luten: Alright...so you entered the 1 character program into the machine. First of all, how did you enter it? Did you use a keyboard? Gustav: No...I used an...ASR-33 teletype. Luten: And...okay...so that is what exactly? Gustav: An Automatic Send and Receive Teletyper. Type 33. Luten: Alright...and what exactly does...what does an ASR-33 do? Gustav: It prints @#$%& out. Luten: Uhhh...huh. And what character made up this "1 character" program of yours? Gustav: It was an AT (@) symbol. Luten: An AT symbol? For the benefit of our audience, please describe...for me... what an AT symbol...is? Gustav: (sighs) It's the letter "A" with a circle around it, except it is...you know...a swirly thing... Luten: Huh? I'm sorry...did you say..."swirly thing"? Gustav: Yeah, that's right...Look, man...It's essentially the letter "A" with a circle encircling it. Here...(takes a piece of paper)...let me draw it for you... Luten: (looks down at paper, then back at camera)...Alright...he's drawing the letter..."A"...and he's...putting a circle around it. (shows it to the camera). Here's what it looks like...the AT symbol, folks. Gustav: (smiles) Alright...paint by numbers...whew! Luten: (frowns) Right...so...erm...Please explain what happened after you entered the program in? Gustav: I compiled it. Luten: And...okay...explain the word "compile", please... Gustav: (scratches chin)...Alright, well...the machine processed it into a faster version of itself. Luten: I don't think I follow that... Gustav: (laughs) I revved up the @#$%& engine, okay? Luten: Right...okay...right. So you..."revved up the engine," so to speak. Okay...and...Gustav, what program did you use to "compile" your program? Gustav: Fortran. Luten: ...And that is?... Gustav: Fortran. Luten: Okay...pretend I don't know what "fortran" is. What is it, then? Gustav: A very slow, very obtuse programming language. Luten: Like BASIC? Gustav: Sort of...(smirks) Luten: Alright...what version of Fortran did the PDP-8 use in those days? Again, pretend I've never heard the word "Fortran"... Gustav: I used Fortran IV. It came out awhile ago. Late 60's, I believe. Luten: And...alright...so you compiled the program with Fortran IV... (smiles, leaning closer) Did you think it would DO anything? Gustav: No, man, no...I was...I was @#$%& stoned, man. Luten: Right...so you've said...(chuckles) Alright, so you've compiled the program and...then what? Gustav: The PDP gave no errors, which surprised me...I mean, I thought the @#$%& thing was broken, you know? Luten: Right...Right... Gustav: And so...I just sat there for a moment wondering who was messing with me...and... Luten: I don't understand, Gustav...mess with you? Gustav: Yeah, man...(laughs) People, in those days anyway, @#$%& around a lot with the time share and other @#$%&. Pulled some pretty wacked out @#$%&... Luten: Like what? Can you elaborate on that thought? Gustav: Sure...Sure...Okay...(sighs) One day I walk into my office, right? And I clock in, and then go to my computer terminal. It's this...really... big...@#$%& monsterous thing in the middle of the room...this square looking, pile of rotunda-looking Roman @#$%&...I'll be honest...I thought it was made by @#$%& IBM... (laughs) Luten: (laughs) Well, yeah...Big Blue... (chuckles) Gustav: (chuckles) Anyway, I walk into the room and sit down at the ASR-33 and begin batch processing some of my punch cards. Just a few stacks of @#$%& I've got...lined up...and @#$%&... Luten: Punch cards? Like with holes in them? Gustav: Yeah...right...with square-looking holes in them...And so I start feeding those @#$%& cards into the machine and, wouldn't you know it? My @#$%& boss, Archie, walks in on me... Luten: Archie? Gustav: "Archie" Glowski...Archie wasn't his first name...he looked like "Archie" from the @#$%& comic book, right? Luten: Okay... Gustav: So...So Archie walks in, right? And he's just puffing mad and... Luten: Puffing? Gustav: Yeah...Puffing...(makes a face like a blowfish) Luten: Alright...Go on... Gustav: So he's...puffing...and he leans over me and asks what I'm doing with Card #8...which is pretty much the final card, right? Luten: Okay... Gustav: So I'm looking at the card...and then I look back at the reader... and then it...wow, it hits me hard! I realize I had read the wrong @#$%& card into the wrong @#$%& reader! I'm like...@#$%& ME! You know? Luten: Uh...huh... Gustav: And the boss...Archie...he's @#$%& pissed, right? So he like... leans over and points to the reader, and...and he says...(makes face),"You'd better fix this or you'll be mopping the floors by sun down!" Luten: Wow! Gustav: Yeah, really...To go from the Helsinki computer lab to mopping floors...that's a real downer, man... Luten: I'll bet... Gustav: So anyway...I learned from that point on...to let the machine do most of the work for me...you know...take out the middle man and @#$%&... Luten: Makes perfect sense to me. Gustav: Right...so anyway...as it turned out...my co-worker Steve Alderman had @#$%& re-arranged the cards on purpose as a prank...nearly cost me my @#$%& job, right? Luten: Right...wow, that's terrible! Did he get fired? Gustav: No...lucky @#$%&...I screwed his wife, though! (laughed) Luten: Uh...huh...Okay...So tell me about what happened after you compiled this 1 character program...what happened next? Gustav: (leans back in his chair)...I printed it out, man. Luten: On the ASR? Gustav: Yeah...exactly...10 lines a second...or was it 1? @#$%&, man, I was stoned out of my...@#$%&ING MIND...man! Luten: O...Kay... Gustav: So it finally prints out...about a page and a half...and...and I'm looking at this paper and wondering HOW THE @#$%& a 1 character computer program could...A...compile and...B...print out so much @#$%& @#$%&...you know? Luten: Yeah, that definitely...(smiles) goes against convention, doesn't it? Gustav: No @#$%& @#$%&, sherlock! No @#$%& @#$%&! Luten: And then what happened? Did your boss see it? Gustav: @#$%& no, man! At least...not right away...I wasn't ABOUT to show him that @#$%&! No...@#$%&...WAY...man! Luten: What...okay...what did the paper say? Can you elaborate for our audience what...what this paper actually said? Gustav: (nods) Sure...it was a message from God. Luten: Say again? Gustav: God...It was a message from @#$%& God, man! Luten: Uh....huh...a...a message from GOD? Gustav: Yes. Luten: Capital G-O-D? God? Gustav: Yes. Luten: (taken aback)...(laughs nervously)... Gustav: I know...I know that it is...really heavy @#$%&... Luten: I'll say! Not many people talk to God! Gustav: Right...I thought I was tripping something AWFUL, man! Luten: Okay...ummm...what did it say? First of all, how did you gather that it...that the printout...was from God? Gustav: It said "Message From God"... Luten: Could...alright...could "God" have been one of the programmers messing around with you? Gustav: Maybe...I mean...no...no @#$%& way, man! It was a 1-byte computer program...no @#$%& way! You don't...you don't get a page and a half of text out of a single @#$%& character, man! That's like... @#$%& man...I don't know... Luten: So...(chuckles)...what did it say, Gustav? Gustav: At the top of the print out it simply said,"Message from God." Luten: Alright...so...and what else did it say? Gustav: (shakes head)...Something about the sanctuary and the cosmos... Well, I wrote it down... Luten: Do you have it with you? Gustav: What? Luten: The print out? Gustav: No...no...my boss had me throw that @#$%& out, man! Luten: So...hmmm...so how do you remember exactly what it said? Could you have been mistaken? Perhaps...stoned? Gustav: I was definitely @#$%& stoned, man...that I DO know for certain! Luten: And...how do you separate..."being stoned" from reality? Gustav: The walls don't @#$%& glow, man! Luten: (laughs) Right...okay...the walls...don't glow. Kids, don't take drugs, okay? Gustav: (laughs) Anyway, I made a photocopy of the printout... Luten: You did? Well...let me see it, then! Gustav: Well...(looks down)...I don't have that, either. Luten: (stunned look) What...what happened to it? Gustav: ...my dog...my dog ate it... Luten: YOUR DOG ATE IT????? Gustav: Yeah...poor Ralph...@#$%& man! You should never leave @#$%& on the table for him to chew on! Luten: So...you're basically telling me...that...your DOG ate your homework? Is that right, Gustav? Gustav: Yeah...yup...that's basically correct. Yup. Luten: Okay...so...Do you have ANYTHING you can show me...show us...here today... that backs up your story? That the message came from God? Gustav: Yeah...(reaches into pocket)...I have this... Luten: (takes small book from Gustav)...what's this? Gustav: It's my journal, man... Luten: Alright...and what's so special about your journal? Gustav: Read it, man! Luten: (chuckles, looking at audience) You haven't told me what page! Gustav: 26. Page 26. Luten: (turns to page 26 of the journal)...Oh my... Gustav: I know my hand writing sucks and @#$%&...oh well... (laughs) Luten: (looking at journal) You should be a doctor, Gustav... Gustav: (laughs) Yeah...that's what my girlfriend wants me to do. But I'm too @#$%& stoned to cut into anyone's stomach...I can't even operate on myself, man! Luten: (not paying attention) Let me...let me read some of this to...our audience...if you will. If that's okay with you, Gustav? Gustav: Sure...go ahead, man...read the @#$%& thing. Luten: (reading from journal) "...[M]y presence in your world is unalterable for I am the sanctuary of both the cosmos...and the one soul inside you. I could awaken each of you in this very moment...to [my] unity, but there is a larger design - a more comprehensive vision - that places you in the boundaries...of time and the spatial dimensions of separateness...[T]he design requires a progression...into my wholeness that reacquaints you with...[my] unity...through the experience of separation...Your awakening, while slow and sometimes painful, is...assured, and this you must trust...above all else...Page 26...dated... February 10, 1975..." Gustav: That's all of it, man! Luten: That's...that's really quite fascinating, Gustav! Really...it is! Gustav: Thank you...but it wasn't me, man! Luten: Of course not...of course not...Okay, so...These are God's words, yes? Gustav: Yeah...@#$%& G-O-D, man...@#$%& G-O-D. Luten: Uh...huh...and...what exactly is the "one soul inside you"? Gustav: (shrugs) @#$%&, man...I don't know...me, I guess... Luten: Right...okay...and...(looks at journal) Is this ALL the print out said? Is there...more to it, perhaps? Gustav: Nope...that's the gist of it, anyway... Luten: Huh...This sounds very, very deep...like something Jesus might say...only...(laughs) some of these words are so big, so verbose, that I can't even pronounce them! Gustav: Right...you're telling me, man! The first time I read them, I had to @#$%& blink my eyes, man! I was...so...@#$%&...wasted, man! Luten: (chuckles) Of course...of course...(looks at audience) Well...ladies and gentleman, you've heard the testimony of Gustav and you've heard excerpts from his journal...so I pose the question to you...What do YOU believe happened on...November 12th, 1974? Is this...truly...'Beyond Tomorrow'? Can computers...REALLY...communicate messages from God? (smiles) That's all we have for this week! (waves at Gustav) Thank you, Gustav! Thank you ladies and gentleman! Tune in next week when we explore the intricate world of Dolphins, and how scientists are learning to speak...Dolphinese! (smiles) (cheering, clapping) (fade to black)